The Good Guy

Looks like Nicholas Sparks was right. There really are good guys out there and dating one is absolutely mind blowing. Mine was right under my nose for years but it took me this long to finally figure it out. I guess you could say we were friends before being anything serious, which isn’t a bad thing.

I realized that a good guy is actually someone that gives you simple things that make you feel everything. Coming from someone whose used to dating liars, players, and outright jerks, finding a guy who’s a sincerely decent human being and great partner is the best thing since sliced bread. This is a feeling everyone deserves to feel.

I finally met this amazing guy who doesn’t belittle me, who listens to me, who wants to be a part of my life and dreams and who I don’t ever have to second guess. Someone who matches my personality and adds to my life. Someone I can talk to, who makes me laugh and tries his best. Someone that is patient and understanding with me and of my past. That notices the little things about me that I never thought anyone would notice. I’ve never been one to want to share experiences with another person but with him it’s different. I want him there for every adventure, every moment. I wish I could describe what it feels like to be near him. To hear him sing, how it feels when I hold on to him even if sometimes he hates it at times. How it feels when he talks about his future and he mentions me in it. I’m finally with a person that I can openly talk to without being scared to get yelled at. Someone that lets me wear whatever I want without judging. Who doesn’t get mad if I go out with my friends. Someone who actually makes me so happy that I forget what being sad even feels like

It’s crazy what being with the wrong people can do to you mentally. I started to ask myself if what I was feeling really was love. Honestly I think it is. I could never in a million years imagine hurting him. Truthfully I don’t even want to imagine my life without him in it. He makes it better, he makes me better. I have no idea what is going to happen in the future but for the first time I don’t even want to know. I just want to enjoy every moment in the present.

Quote #1

Hey guys! This isn’t an actual blog post it’s more of a quote. One of the things I like to do is write quotes or at least I try to 😫… I just finished this one last night so I figured I’d post it!!

“Life is incomprehensible. As human beings we try so hard to plan our lives but eventually we learn that plans don’t always workout. We go through phases, were always changing and adjusting. Sometimes the universe will throw us off when it’s all going our way. Sometimes we’re going to find ourselves at a crossroad trying to figure out who we’re supposed to be, and what were supposed to do. We might lose ourselves for a minute trying to meet everyone’s expectations. There will be times when we are going to feel pain and ask why it’s all happening but other times more often than not, there will be moments where we are going to be undeniably happy. Those are the moments to remember because even though life is unpredictable, there will always be those moments that you never saw coming and those moments are worth living for. The rest will fall into place when the time is right, you’ll see, for now just live and love unconditionally and know you’re doing great.”

Simply You

We are given one life and one life only. It is our job to live it to the fullest and exactly the way we want it. But that can be hard to do sometimes. I have my small insecurities and in fact I’m sure that I’m not the only one. Sometimes those insecurities get the best of you. They have a way of making you overthink. For me, showing the world who I am hasn’t always been easy. I always makeup scenarios in my mind about all the things that could go wrong. I was just scared of letting this part of me out into the world and having it be judged because lets face it, people will judge everything and anything. It takes time to master the whole not caring about what people say/ think attitude. Sometimes you’ll listen to a song that will hype you up or your friends give you a confidence boost but that doesn’t last forever, it lasts a moment. The moment passes when the smallest thing to happen has you second guessing yourself. I mean honestly how many times have we heard people say “just be yourself?” Hundreds of times but its a lot easier said than done.

I miss being a kid. Growing up you never had to worry about anything.  You could wear whatever you wanted, like a princess dress or have your belly hanging out of your shirt without being body shamed and everything you did would be totally fine. You could say, act, do whatever and it was accepted. As adults society created expectations so we force ourselves to fit this mold.

My social media is one part of me. I don’t mean the “fake” part of me. I mean the part of me that I’m comfortable sharing. I post about the clothes I wear, my friends, family, the hikes I go on, my fitness journey, places that I traveled to and so on. So what is it that I don’t show the world? My writing for one, I love writing. Writing is how I express myself. I got that from my nonna. When I first moved to the United States we would always write letters to each other even if we talked on the phone everyday. Letters are more personal and more people should do it. This blog is also something I’ve kept to myself even though I have been considering making it public. I like to read poetry, books, I love looking at art. You can’t ever be wrong with art. You just makeup a story as to what you think the painting means and there would be no right or wrong answer. I love taking long drives, I love sunsets and I love seeing the stars. Things that make you feel things and think. Things most people would find boring. There’s a lot more to it but I won’t make this a long post. Being yourself is the only thing that you should be in this world because it’s you. At the end of the day we only have one life and tomorrow is never promised.

Changes

If you guys don’t know it yet, I am not a fan of change. In fact, I am terrified of it, mainly because I don’t know what to expect. Change means not being in control and letting things fall into place. Planning has always been my thing even though plans never work.

Change happens every day whether we like it or not. We experience it in every form. I think the biggest way to see change in people’s lives now a days is through their Instagram feed. The way people’s posts change over the years. Whether its a new relationship, a pregnancy, new friends, a new style, a new career or destination. All these events that we  share with each other,  they all show the changes in our lives. For me, change at this very moment is the person that I am comparing to the person that I was. The end of this chapter in my life means leaving the old me in the past. The me that was dependent on people for happiness, the one that would put herself second to others, the girl who would constantly compare herself, and doubted herself. I guess one day I just woke up and decided that I loved myself just the way I was and that I respected myself enough to know when to walk away from something.

I realized that this perfect romance that I was chasing did not exist YET. Because in order for me to grow old with someone, I have to grow up first. I need to go out and experience life, live out my dreams for ME so that I wont ever have regrets. We live in a weird time to fall in love, things are most definitely not as simple as they used to be. People don’t commit as much, there’s a thing called friends with benefits, people’s feelings change over night, and when things get hard, people walk away. So why fall for someone right now? It took me a while but I finally figured out that I did not have whatever power I needed to turn a boy into a man. It was never my job. You can’t make someone something that they’re not. I grew up believing in fairytales. Ever since we were little most of us have been told that we are princesses waiting for this prince to come and rescue us but in reality we are so much more. We could easily be the fairy godmother to a friend who needs our help. We can be the genie in the lamp when were trying to meet everyone’s expectations all at once but most importantly, we can be Prince Charming because a princess who can respect herself, can rescue herself.

I am weeks away from the biggest change that I have ever had to go through. I am basically leaving what has been familiar to me for years for something new. I just need to push myself. So here I am, leaving my old job, people that became important to me, and seeing how far I can really go. You guys get to come along with me, every step of the way.

 

To The Ones Who Care

If you’re reading this you’re hurt or you have been hurt at some point. I have been hurt, I’ll admit it. I was hurt from all types of things but the main cause of it was putting my trust in the wrong people. Why should that hurt me? The answer is simple, I care too much.

Having a big heart means that you are prone to a whole world of hurt in a lot of things, especially love. You meet these people who come into your life and because you are you, you let them in. You slowly let them remove one layer at a time until you find yourself vulnerable. This person that you have trusted now has the power to completely destroy you if they wanted too. You give them that power because you still believe in change and good. Unfortunately not everyone in this world has a big heart. Some are just there to suck the energy out of you until there is nothing left and they disappear. It took me a while to realize that there really are bad people in the world and that a lot of them are great at hiding it.

My heart has been bulldozed countless times by people who I didn’t even think could be capable of hurting me. But every time I would pick myself up, and try to trust again. You would think id be used to the pain by now, but nope. The one thing that amazes me is that no matter how hurt I have been in the past, I still let people in. I give them the benefit of the doubt. Ignoring all signs and listening to meaningless words with no actions to follow.

I’m slowly learning ….very slowly.  I know some people will say that I have done it to myself but I cant help it. I really believe genuine love is out there. I just wanted to feel something. Something other than disappointment. I wanted to know that it was possible to feel at peace and happy with another person. I can be happy and at peace on my own, anyone can but with another person? That is the real challenge of this day and age. Relationships just aren’t what they used to be. When you care too much you almost forget how much you are doing for others. You forget until you realize that you have lost yourself trying to make someone a better version of themselves. You put so much time and effort into people, believing in them that you set yourself up to being hurt. You alter yourself trying to make another person happy because they have convinced you to do so. In reality you shouldn’t have to change. The right person will accept you for you. The sad part is that most people start to think that its normal to settle and change. But it’s not and one day the wind is knocked out of you because when you least expect it that person you cared so much for is gone. You did everything and anything for them, you belittled yourself and put your pride aside for someone to take advantage of you and leave with a part of you.

Let me tell you this, we may care too much and maybe it is our fault but I would rather be the one hurting than being the person who caused pain on another. When you are left hurt and trying to pick yourself up, think of it as ruins. Ruins may look broken, hopeless and sad but they aren’t, they lead to beauty. Just look at Rome or Greece, people from all over the world come to see the ruins and they are breathtaking and beautiful. Just like us, something beautiful will come out of this, I have to believe that. Don’t ever let the vampires take your light away. They will always be cold souls but you? No way, your light will shine again, it may take time but it will.